Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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