Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
