Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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