Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
