my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
