took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
