I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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