all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize