If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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