Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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