she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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