what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize