i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize