After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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