The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
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