I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
