Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
