sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
