ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
