what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
