I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
sarcasm needs its own font
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
