He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
