the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
