There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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