when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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