somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
