I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
