i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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