Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
