you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
