No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
