Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
