How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
