You can't motorboat a personality
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
