does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
