Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
