On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
