He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
