don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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