okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize