We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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