Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
