So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
