It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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