Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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