I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
