I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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