His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
