if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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