you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i think i have two assholes
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
