i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
