I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
