Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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