just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
