I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
