I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
