I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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